From the Inside Out

The relationships an inmate has with people outside of prison or jail makes a big difference on his or her state of mind and outlook on life. There are those who never had anyone to begin with, which is very sad to think about. I can only imagine the hopelessness they must feel. Without anything to lose you’re more likely to make decisions that lead to even worse predicaments.

Then there are those who have burned all their bridges. Some gangs intentionally make you prove that they are more important than your family. Other people are having a hard time with drugs. I know a few people who are trying after many years to fix their relationships, but a lot the times their family or friends feel like they’ve given them too many second chances.

Last, but not least, are those who never lost their relationships (or they got them back over time). I believe having friends and family to talk to prevents total institutionalization, which can hinder entry back into civilization. You’re more likely to avoid trouble when you don’t want to lose your visits or phone calls. Plus your overall outlook on life is most likely a lot more positive.

One thing that is difficult for us is maintaining our relationships with our children. Especially during a time when we aren’t getting visits. It’s hard to stay present in their lives through letters and phone calls alone, but in the end it’s the thought that counts. My method is “active involvement.” Whether he wants it or not I send my son a drawing with a note about every week. If he’s preoccupied during a visit it’s not a big deal because he’ll probably pay attention next week. When I talk to him on the phone I just go with the flow and talk about what he’s doing. If he’s not talking, I ask him some simple questions, and if he runs off, I just let him go do his thing. This way I can be involved without forcing him to participate in my life. I always stay ready, so when he does focus on me I can make the most of it for both of us.